EXCLUSIVE TO NIGERIA, "QUOTES"

These are funny quotes from different Nigerian leaders that have occupied one position or the other in government. They are not quotes parse but they are clauses in their speeches. Lighten up your day as you read.

“People exaggerate Corruption in Nigeria. It is not even our first or second problem, maybe the third”- President Jonathan (2014)

“You must be very stupid for saying I bleach my skin. Tell your Editors I said you’re stupid.”- Alao Akala to Punch Rep

“How will you tell me I don’t have right to treasury of Oyo State Government. The Govt I installed?”- Pa Lamidi Adedibu (2010)

“We want to thank the President for bringing Facebook to Nigeria.” – Information Minister, Labaran Maku. (2009)

“I will rather kill myself than commit suicide.” – Dame Patience Jonathan (2010)

Human Parts Dealers Arrested As Police Pose As Buyers

This is another brilliant one from The Nigeria Police Force. We should give special kudos to them when they succeed in investigations like this. 

Human part dealers in Sango Ota area of Ogun State have been arrested after some police men who picked interest in the case posed as buyers. The policemen said they got so much interested in the case because a lot of people suddenly became missing in the community. Their investigation latter led to the arrest of the ritualists. Find the story after the cut.

Video: Nigeria's First Lady Weeps for Kidnapped Chibok Girls

Watch Dame Patience Jonathan emotionally summoning, questioning and accusing "people" in this video. I dont know in what capacity though but your guess is as good as mine.
You can see her emotional downpour after 19days of the abduction. "There is God oo"

HOW TO MAKE YOUR WOMAN HAPPY

All married men will attest to some real wisdom in this message. In the world of romance, one single rule applies: MAKE THE WOMAN HAPPY! On the other hand, score yourself.

Do something she likes, and you get points.
Do something she dislikes, and points are subtracted.
You don't get any points for doing something she expects.
Sorry, that's the way the game is played.
Here is a non-exhaustive guide to the point system:

SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed. (+1)
You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillows. (-10)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets. (-3)
You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) in the rain (+8)
But return with Old Monk. (-5)

PROTECTIVE DUTIES
You check out a suspicious noise at night. (+1)
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing. (0)
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is something. (+5)
You pummel it with an iron rod. (+10)
It's her pet poodle . (-20)

Education not my Way. Timaya Explains

Rave of the moment, Ukwu master, Timaya has made an open confession during his performance over the weekend in Uyo that education is not for him, but for you. He said he gave up when he scored 17 in JAMB, but still thinks education is good and advised people to get it. But for him, it’s a capital NO.

“Education is not for me, it is important, yes, but not for me. I scored 17 in JAMB, that's when I gave up. I don’t have the brain for education but for those of you who do, please do it, its good.” he said.

Child-bride Charged with Killing Husband, 3 others in Kano

Wasila Tasi’u, the 14 year old bride who killed her 35 year husband Umar Sani, and three others in Kademi village in Gaya Local Government Area in Kano has been charged with murder.

She was charged today April 14th before a Rijiyar Zaki Magistrates Court in Kano for alleged culpable homicide.

The prosecutor, Inspector Yusuf Sale, while testifying before the Magistrate, Binta Muhammad, said the accused killed her husband and three others with food mixed with local rat poison. Sale said her husband and the three others died on the spot while six others who ate the meal fell ill immediately and were rushed to General Hospital Gaya, but were later treated and discharged.

The girl however pleaded not guilty and was remanded in prison on the order of Magistrate Binta.

Photos: Bloodbath In Abuja Motor Park as Bomb Explodes

Many have been killed in an early morning explosion which occurred today, 14^th of April, 2014 at a motor park in Nyanya area of the Federal Capital Territory, Abuja. 

                                      

The explosion occurred in a section of the park allocated to luxury buses popularly called El-Rufa’i buses, with a lot of passengers at the motor park.

Many have died while others with serious injuries have been rushed to the hospital. A combined team of security agencies and fire fighters are currently retrieving bodies and putting out fire at the scene.  More pictures after the cut. Warning: the pictures are very gory.

Jehovah Witness Church Members Decry Marriage Restriction

Some members of Jehovah Witness have come out to condemn their church's stance against them marrying outside their faith. According to Jehovah's Witness' doctrine, members of the church are to only marry themselves and not from any other Christian faith. If they do, it's seen as an act of immorality. And people who marry outside the church are usually expelled from the church and treated as non-members.

The members say this has kept them unmarried for years and in some cases, get married to members who they are not attracted to.

Unemployed Graduate Attempts Suicide, Police Interrupts

Much Criticism against the Nigerian Police Force on different acts of lawlessness but this singular act of service is worth commendation as they saved a graduate from the hands of death. 

Sunday Omotayo, an unemployed graduate of Mechanical Engineering from Ekiti State University attempted to kill himself yesterday in Akwa Ibom Staate due to frustration, Punch Reports.

Omotayo who had gone to Akwa Ibom state to seek employment hoping that his services as a trained mechanical engineer would be needed having heard of the infrastructural development happening in the state, was greatly disappointed as he was not absorbed by any company in the state.

Forced into Marrige: 14-Year Old Bride Poisons Husband, 3 Others

This is a note of warning to Senator Yerima and his minor marriage supporters. This lady must have done this out of frustration and a sense of slavery, marriage is about choice and maturity and not religion or culture as a front-burner.

Where is the judge who will sentence this minor? or will she be tried in a Sharia Court of law, i keep my fingers crossed. Read story below.

Blind 22yr old Emmanuel Daniel wins The Gospel Voice competition

After weeks of serious hard work, battle and stiff competition, physical challenged 22 year old Emmanuel Daniel beat 9 other contestants to win the highly successful Gospel music competition held in Abuja, the Gospel Voice. 

Against all odds, it was a sightless Emmanuel, a Niger State origin and a resident of Suleja in Abuja, that emerge the winner of the prestigious Gospel competition regardless of his sight condition. 

Shocking! CONFAB Delegate Playing Scrabble at Plenary

A national CONFAB delegate playing scrabble on his laptop at a plenary yesterday. Can't stop laughing...See other sleepers after the cut.

Nigeria becomes Africa's biggest economy, with $510billion

Article written by Associated Press writer, Michelle Faul. It's quite interesting. Read!

Nigeria's recalculated economy is worth $510 billion, by far the biggest in Africa, officials announced Sunday using long overdue revised data that gives the West African nation continental bragging rights but does little for the 70 percent of its citizens living in poverty.

The new value of Nigeria's GDP adds previously uncounted industries like telecommunications, information technology, music, airlines, burgeoning online retail outlets and Nollywood film production that didn't exist when the last GDP count was made in 1990. Then, there were 300,000 landlines. Today, Nigeria has 100 million cell phone users.

Randy Pastor Impregnates Mother & Daughter In Delta State

The pastor of a popular Pentecostal Church located along Nnebisi Road, Asaba, Delta State, simply identified as Pastor Sam, is currently on the run after allegedly impregnating a woman and her daughter.

The pastor, who hails from the eastern part of the state, allegedly impregnated the 45-year-old mother of three and her 14-year-old daughter under the guise of conducting prayers for them to deliver them of evil spirits that had been battling them.

It was gathered that the woman and the daughter have been under evil spells after her husband died of inexplicable stomach problems and elders of the Illah community where they live, had consulted seers who accused the woman and her teenage daughter of having a hand in the death.

The duo were said to have been introduced to the pastor around December 2013 and he had promised to reverse every demonic attack on their lives and they have been consulting the pastor until last week when they both took ill and were taken to a private hospital in Asaba by their neighbours, where doctors, after conducting tests confirmed they were both pregnant after which they claimed the pastor was responsible.

Sources said when the news of the pregnancy broke, the pastor who smelt trouble, took off to an unknown destination leaving his church which used to be a beehive of prayer activities, under lock and key.

Confirming the incident, an elder sister of the pregnant woman, one Elizabeth Agu said, “we tried to reach the pastor who they claimed is responsible, through his GSM line but it was switched off and his whereabouts are unknown while the church is also under lock and key,” she added.

Source: Linda Ikeji's Blog

THE NEW FACE OF ATM ROBBERY STRATEGY! MUST READ

May we not fall victim of this, but there is now a new trend of how robbers rob innocent Lagosians at cash points. Here’s the gist; these robbers don’t rob Monday nights, Tuesday or Thursday nights, but Friday nights. What they do is this. Some of them stay around the bank, while one of them walks up to the person making the transaction and gently smile and show him or her a gun or a sharp object. In case you want to play funny, he quickly points at his other members and tells you to corporate or you risk wasting your life.  He will then ask you to confirm your pin and makes withdrawal while you are still there, and dispose you of other ATM cards on you, after their pins have also been confirmed. They make the daily maximum withdrawal from Friday to Sunday and the smart ones wake up very early Monday morning to also make another withdrawal before you get to the bank to lodge your complaints, if you don't make use of internet banking. This has been going on for a while now, but it’s getting more rampant week after week.

Police officer dismissed for raping a 4-year-old girl in Plateau

According to a Punch report, a policeman attached to the Plateau State Police Command was dismissed yesterday from the police force after being found guilty of luring and raping a 4-year-old girl identified as Helen .

Around 9pm on March 26th, corporal Damudu Bzibu (pictured above), allegedly lured the little girl and raped her in Kassa Barakin Ladi Local Government Area.

According to the Plateau State Police Commissioner, Chris Olakpe, who paraded Damudu alongside other criminals, the little girl's father found blood gushing from her vagina and upon serious enquiry, the girl told him it was uncle Damudu that raped her. The Commissioner said Damudu was immediately given an orderly room treatment, found guilty and is now dismissed from the force. He is to be charged to court soon.

Also amongst the criminals paraded yesterday was a man, Benjamin Tofa, who killed his wife for not accepting his sexual advances.

 

Abeg! what do you intend to enjoy in a 4year old girl? this is a serious sex addiction and people like this can unleash their libido on anything. Watch your girls readers.

WHY PASTORS ARE RICHER THAN MEMBERS: CAN PRESIDENT'S VIEWPOINT

 

President of the Christian Association of Nigeria, Pastor Ayo Oritsejafor recently bared his mind concerning the controversies surrounding churches and their flamboyant pastors.
On why there are so many poor people in churches yet rich pastors, Oritsejafor who recently completed an ultra modern 40,000 capacity church auditorium in Warri, Delta State, said

“Remember that the pastors are pasturing both the poor and the rich. They are all in the same assembly. Both the poor and the rich, those who have the means in the church take time to be kind to their pastors. That is something most people don’t realize.

'Facts About The New Lagos State Smoking In Public Places Law'

Article by Choices Nigeria.

There have been different views on the recently passed smoking law since it was signed by the Lagos State Governor, Babatunde Raji Fashola on 17^th of February 2014. 

We have now obtained a copy of the law and are surprised to read that contrary to what some people think, the law only becomes effective on the 17^th of August 2014, which is six months after the Governor signed. This means that even the police that have been harassing smokers are not aware of this. Incredibly, the law also allows for smoking in open places such as on the streets, roads and highways as wells as in 10% of hotels, bars, night clubs and tertiary institutions. It even goes further to state that the law will be enforced by the Lagos State Environmental Protection Agency (LASEPA), meanwhile all manner of people have been harassing smokers, even LATSMA and Boys Scout.. Can our government ensure that the public are well informed about laws they pass to prevent undue harassment of its citizens.

Policeman kills self, wife, 5 others over marital dispute in Abeokuta

A police officer in Ogun State on Thursday march 27th shot and killed seven people including his own wife, a 2 year old, and himself. There is a serious need for an overhaul check of the Nigerian  Police Force especially in terms of psychological evaluation  and wellfare packages. This is an act out of frustration i can sense.

 Premium Times reports the incidence below...

On Progressives and Pro-aggressives - written by Reno Omokri

Article written by Reno Omokri, Special Assistant to the President on New Media.

All advertising is based on the theory of Proof by Repeated Assertion which provides that a proposition repeated and restated regularly using the mass media comes to be accepted as true irrespective of any contradictions in the proposition being asserted. This theory is very effective and even more so in the modern world where attention spans are limited and people read headlines and draw conclusions without reading the story. Gone are the days of Ronald Reagan where that great communicator urged us to "trust but verify". Nowadays, very few people are prepared to pay the intellectual price of verifying what they are served by the media and some individuals have clued in on this deficiency amongst Nigerians and the fact that we can be subliminally manipulated by what we read in the media and have used this deficiency against us.

TRAPPED IN THE ACT

 This was sent to my email box this morning and i felt its a good Food for Thought and everybody seems to be a victim of this that is why i am putting it up for you. Do read.....

LIFE, A JOURNEY

Life is like a journey on a train...
with its stations...
with changes of routes...
and with accidents!

 

At birth we boarded the train and met our parents,
and we believe they will always travel on our side.

 

However, at some station
our parents will step down from the train,
leaving us on this journey alone.

 

As time goes by, other people will board the train;
and they will be significant i.e. our siblings, friends, children,
and even the love of our life.

 

Many will step down and leave a permanent vacuum.
Others will go so unnoticed that we don't realize
that they vacated their seats!

THE AFRICAN WOMAN'S SELLING POINT

African Women as they say are beautiful and have good pedigree not in terms of comparism with the white skinned women but in keeping their values and virtues in  focus and appreciating their being. Many applauses are ascribed to African women in this piece. check them out.

ANYTHING CAN BE PROVED

Do you think you are good at solving mathematics, then decide who is wrong.

All methods are proved though. LMAO!

UCHE LANDS IN TROUBLE (HILARIOUS)

(LMAO) Who is to be blamed? A customer care lady who is doing her job or a house wife who is doing all she could to save her husband from husband snatchers. To say the fact none is to be blamed but its good to search out the truth before accusation of any sort.

But what time of the day did Uche call this customer of hers to bring about such reaction (LOL)

CHECK OUT THE BALANCE SHEET OF LIFE

BALANCE SHEET OF LIFE

Add caption

The happiness of life is made of little things - a smile, a hug, a moment of shared laughter

It’s not the wealth you amass but what you give to others & the lives you touch that you take with you for eternity! 

Our Birth is our Opening Balance! 
Our Death is our Closing Balance!
Our Prejudiced Views are our Liabilities

Our Creative Ideas are our Assets
Heart is our Current Asset
Soul is our Fixed Asset

Brain is our Fixed Deposit
Thinking is our Current Account
Achievements are our Capital

Character & Morals, our Stock-in-Trade
Friends are our General Reserves
Values & Behaviour are our Goodwill

Patience is our Interest Earned
Love is our Dividend
Children are our Bonus Issues
Education is Brands / Patents
Knowledge is our Investment
Experience is our Premium Account
The Aim is to Tally the Balance Sheet Accurately.
The Goal is to get the Best Presented Accounts Award.
Some very Good and Very bad things .... 

The most destructive habit...............Worry
The greatest Joy......................Giving
The greatest loss.................Loss of self-respect 
The most satisfying work..........Helping others
The ugliest personality trait...Selfishness
The most endangered species...Dedicated leaders  

Our greatest natural resource...............Our youth
The greatest 'shot in the arm'..........Encouragement
The greatest problem to overcome..................Fear  
The most effective sleeping pill........Peace of mind
The most crippling failure disease..............Excuses
The most powerful force in life..................Love
The most dangerous pariah...................A gossiper 
The world's most  incredible computer........The brain
The worst thing to be without.................... Hope
The deadliest weapon........................The tongue
The two most power-filled words................'I Can'
The greatest asset...............................Faith 
The most worthless emotion...................Self-pity
The most beautiful attire.......................SMILE!
The most prized possession.................Integrity
The most powerful channel of communication.....Prayer 
The most contagious spirit.................Enthusiasm 

The most important thing in life...........GOD

DID YOU KNOW?

Do you know

1. A shark is the only fish that blinks with both eyes

2. Dreamt is the only English word that ends with 'mt'. Can you find any?

3.There are only four words in the English language which ends with 'dous' i.e tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, hazardous.

4. A dragon fly has a life span of 1-6 months.

5. Its impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.

6. A snail can sleep up to a year.

7. Almost is the longest word in English with all its alphabets in alphabetical order.

8. Rain has never been recorded in some parts of Atacama Desert in Chile.

9. Kangaroos can't walk backwards.

10. The names of the continents all end with the same letter with which they start.

PARTYING, A FUNDAMENTAL OF LIFE

Owambe Indeed! such a nice name for the way we do out thing. We are known for a grand-style of partying, our party system and its publicity is unique in this part of our world as compared to the western world. Partying for us serves as a medium for family and friend’s reunion, a time to show off our worth, taste, standards, retaliate in competitive aggrievement and in some cases as a result of necessity or unavoidable circumstances.

TRY THIS 5YEARS OLD BOY IF YOU CAN BEAT HIM TO A CONTEST

Check out this amazing 5years old boy. He will set you aghast.
I still cannot corroborate his age with his speech..

Why Save Our Religious Treasures

This rant sounds reasonable but confusing, how can someone say the only proof that something ever happened in the days of old is the Holy Book and that gadgets are not religious friendly, is this fellow confused or a technology dread? please help me out whats your take

Are the Youths in Distress?

The geometric increase in unemployment has been a subject of concern and deliberation all over the world and keeps growing in an unimaginable progression. It has been in vogue right before the economic recession that struck the world in 2007 and much more worsened by the recession.
Notwithstanding , the extent of the economic recession, rate of unemployment and degree of job loss that struck the world and its aftermath, the youths of Nigeria  remains the focal point  as the nation seems to be unproductive in many sectors. It is a country flowing with milk and honey they say but it appears as an arid land of drought, infertility and corruption.

Most African families hold this perception about life which tends to follow a meticulous routine over the years

Why Has Marriage Lost Its Appeal?

Until recently, marriage was a top priority in society; many were raised with fairy tales and movies that portrayed marriage as an association/relationship that would end happily ever after. However with the current trends of globalization and equality, divorce rates have increased, and many have chosen to remain unbothered by marriage and its various accompaniments.

It is wrong to say women are more concerned about getting married than men. Many believe women are more emotional, and would swoon over things like getting an engagement ring or having to select a wedding dress, while men concern and depress themselves with the more serious thoughts of targets, and meeting the expectations of acquiring and caring for a new family. An impression based on the belief that man was born for responsibility, though it does not imply that he is born responsible.

But really, have we ever wondered why many have become apathetic or even hostile to the thoughts of marriage?

A Chunk for the Church

The era of Pentecostalism elevates spiritual advancement above academic development. This is made obvious by the numerous youths, who after graduating from the university would immediately receive the “divine calling” and head into ministerial work instead of joining the crowded labour market. Commendable as this may seem, it is unfortunate that most of them do not do so with piety, but rather become materialistic demi gods who engage in leadership tussles and chase after wealth.

However, with the education sector becoming robust for investment and as it is an essential of life and the best gift parents can give to their children; it is not surprising that the Church has spread its tentacles into this sector.

The vision for university creation is not a bad idea nor is it unbiblical, as a religious body can diversify into any aspect of the economy so long as it does not contravene the laws of the land and the institution’s doctrine.